True story. As recovered from an old email to Felix on the tearful Tuesday after Bestival 2009. Scene: this morning, JD in cafe, talking to Woman

JD: Good morning W: Morning JD: Tea please, milk, one sugar. W: Milk, one sugar. Anything else? JD: Yes. A croissant, lightly toasted, with marmalade. W: Jam. JD: No, marmalade please. W: Jam. JD: Marmalade. W: Jam. JD: I don't want jam, I want marmalade. W: Jam. JD: That's not the same thing. I asked for marmalade. W: We don't have marmalade. JD: Fine. Jam then. W: [in smarmy voice] Jam it is. And a coffee. JD: No. A tea. Milk. One sugar. [pause as Woman goes to make it]

I'm going to leave it there, it gets too upsetting.

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